How my life started when I learnt to say NO

How my life started when I learnt to say NO

Kara** turns 34 this year, the year is 2012. She has a hectic life but when she sit down at the end of a day and recount my activities on a day, she finds nothing worth recalling. It’s filled with office work, work for others, running errands for others, helping others, and more of others but less of her in the equation. This was a startling revelation when she decided to analyze where her hours were going into. Then she realized that a bulk of the activities she does in a day is a complete waste of time. She doesn’t have time for herself except sleep time and that’s after she's exhausted all her energy running errands for other people. The neighbors dog to be fed, the kids to be fed when they can be trained to eat themselves, the additional printing to be done at work when the person himself can print and pick it up themselves. All the small things add up to the bigger picture, resulting in her loaded with a whole load of other people’s work.

A self analysis led her to realize that she is too obliging as a person and can never say never or no. In fact, in the past 6 months, she can count the number of times she has said no and countless times when she has obliged to help someone.

Helping someone in need is not the problem here. Being a doormat is. People in general needs to carry their own weight. While most of us are aware of this basic requirement in life, not many of us are willing to do that. As outsourcing is a buzz word these days, most menial duties are given away for others to do. And this is where people like Kara fit in the lives of the many that choose to outsource, in the name of friendship and relationship.

Unfortunately, the good people of this earth do not come into life with a manual on how to survive. Now here’s one for a start.

Firstly, learn to reward yourself and start saying no. That’s right. Say NO to the extra job at office that someone else can afford to do. Say NO to feeding the dogs when you have already made an appointment to see your massage therapist. Prioritize yourself over anything else unless the other matter at hand is about life or death.

Make plans to pamper yourself, make time for yourself everyday. Be it an hour or two. Even more time on weekends. It is extremely important to spend time with ourselves (sleeping doesn’t count) doing activities which matter most to us. This can be as simple as pursuing a hobby or an interest. Once you start to say NO to the unimportant things which come your way, you will see a lot more of yourself, become a better person and you’ll be able to help others better as well.

Start today and say NO!

Recruitment, retainment, engagement?

We hear the buzz word everywhere: recruitment, retainment and engagement. What do those terms mean to us? As with everything else, we attach our own significant values to the things around us. What do those terms mean to you, personally?

What is your favorite time in a days work?

Most people crave for a certain “time-out” in a days work. Some cherish their puffing session where a few smokers gather to form a chimney at the staircase or lobby area. Entry into this group is the easiest but the most dangerous to health. Ever seen how strangers can just ask for a lighter to puff and they start a conversation? Smoke signals still work, proven over time.

Some others love lunch time where they gather a few gossip gals to do a post mortem on their weekend/ last night event. This is usually the same group of people who has been following through the stories. Entry into this group is usually almost impossible, even if done, it will involve some awkwardness and eventually the newbie will drop off, not being able to keep up.

Another group would prefer the pantry entry. They usually group together at certain times in a day, if the water cooler is not in the pantry; the crowd might be seen crowding the cooler area. In the pretext of waiting to fill up their 5 litre water bottle, 4-5 people wait and chit chat. Funnily, these are usually the same faces, all the time. That’s a quick gulp down!

Some others prefer the after hours team. This is the after-hours socializing group which hops from one bar to another until they find their preferred spot. These drinking nomads are usually a fun bunch to hang out with. The decibel of the group will increase as the hours pass. Highly recommended for newbie in a new team. For those who are against alcoholic drinks, mock tails can be enjoyed as a substitute.

Finally, the one activity which gives the most bliss among all mentioned above is peeing. Toilet time is known to be inspirational for some. My previous manager claimed that her most creative time was time spent in the small cubicle of 4 walls. Suggestions to turn the cubicle into an office were subsequently turned down due to lack of resources.

So, there you go. A list of possible “break-time” options for you to choose from. Ultimately, there has to be a break-free session for you to peel yourself out of your desk for at least 5-10 minutes in each hour. If working time = $$ and break time = opportunity to be more productive, then working time should be balanced with the latter. Besides, all work and no play make a dull and plain Jane.

When to say goodbye to your recruiter

So i called ann** not her real name at 830am, hoping to get her attention first thing in the morning. Sorry, she's not at her desk yet was the receptionist reply. I think i heard a yawn there. Never mind, i'll call back i say and hang up. I continue browsing through jobstreet, jobsDB & monster simultaneously. I've mastered the art of multi tasking whilst being jobless. So this answers the question: how have you spent your days. Self-enhancing-creative education!

Job hunting is a full time job. Whoever said that a jobless person has nothing to do. Okay, now that i'm done entertaining my random passing thoughts, i'm going to ring up my recruiter again. Hopefully she's returned to her desk from the coffee machine chatter at the pantry. Yes! This time, Ann answers the phone and when i give her my name, there's an awkward silence on the other end. Erm, we spoke two days ago? For the developer position you have in Venus? No, not the one in Jupiter, its venus, where you come from. (i mumbled that below my breath, of course!)

Oh yes, now I remember. Sorry but i don't have any positions for you at the moment says my recruiter.

Erm but i just saw positions A, B, D & E reposted yesterday by you. I fully qualify for these roles. Why don't you profile me over? 

Oh.. Sheepishly laughs and says- well, those positions A& B are already closed & the other 2 is still open. BUT client is looking for the X-race, you know, for cultural fit purposes and to fulfil departmental quota. Sigh.. I thought quotas were abolished since Apartheid era? I say this to her to which she immediately answered, i'll call u if i find anything suitable. Kill me now, i say. I've heard these lines at least 100 times & this conversation repeated at least 50 times since i started job hunting. I was proactive enough to call and askif there's something wrong with my application, how can i improve, any new positions etc etc. But the only treatment i get from my recruiters is the silence kind. Cold and distant. I decided to fire my recruiter. And 3 months after pin drop silence from her, she calls me with her friendliest tone. Hey, how have you been? Long time huh? Listen, are you still looking for a job now? 

Oops, guess what? I just got employed by your competitor recruitment agency. I believe the role is in your bucket as well. You should go check it & close the position. And by the way, I now represent Jupiter Entreprises and we are dropping your agency services. Thank you for your services & have a nice day!

Toot toot toot..