How my life started when I learnt to say NO

How my life started when I learnt to say NO

Kara** turns 34 this year, the year is 2012. She has a hectic life but when she sit down at the end of a day and recount my activities on a day, she finds nothing worth recalling. It’s filled with office work, work for others, running errands for others, helping others, and more of others but less of her in the equation. This was a startling revelation when she decided to analyze where her hours were going into. Then she realized that a bulk of the activities she does in a day is a complete waste of time. She doesn’t have time for herself except sleep time and that’s after she's exhausted all her energy running errands for other people. The neighbors dog to be fed, the kids to be fed when they can be trained to eat themselves, the additional printing to be done at work when the person himself can print and pick it up themselves. All the small things add up to the bigger picture, resulting in her loaded with a whole load of other people’s work.

A self analysis led her to realize that she is too obliging as a person and can never say never or no. In fact, in the past 6 months, she can count the number of times she has said no and countless times when she has obliged to help someone.

Helping someone in need is not the problem here. Being a doormat is. People in general needs to carry their own weight. While most of us are aware of this basic requirement in life, not many of us are willing to do that. As outsourcing is a buzz word these days, most menial duties are given away for others to do. And this is where people like Kara fit in the lives of the many that choose to outsource, in the name of friendship and relationship.

Unfortunately, the good people of this earth do not come into life with a manual on how to survive. Now here’s one for a start.

Firstly, learn to reward yourself and start saying no. That’s right. Say NO to the extra job at office that someone else can afford to do. Say NO to feeding the dogs when you have already made an appointment to see your massage therapist. Prioritize yourself over anything else unless the other matter at hand is about life or death.

Make plans to pamper yourself, make time for yourself everyday. Be it an hour or two. Even more time on weekends. It is extremely important to spend time with ourselves (sleeping doesn’t count) doing activities which matter most to us. This can be as simple as pursuing a hobby or an interest. Once you start to say NO to the unimportant things which come your way, you will see a lot more of yourself, become a better person and you’ll be able to help others better as well.

Start today and say NO!

Recruitment, retainment, engagement?

We hear the buzz word everywhere: recruitment, retainment and engagement. What do those terms mean to us? As with everything else, we attach our own significant values to the things around us. What do those terms mean to you, personally?

What is your favorite time in a days work?

Most people crave for a certain “time-out” in a days work. Some cherish their puffing session where a few smokers gather to form a chimney at the staircase or lobby area. Entry into this group is the easiest but the most dangerous to health. Ever seen how strangers can just ask for a lighter to puff and they start a conversation? Smoke signals still work, proven over time.

Some others love lunch time where they gather a few gossip gals to do a post mortem on their weekend/ last night event. This is usually the same group of people who has been following through the stories. Entry into this group is usually almost impossible, even if done, it will involve some awkwardness and eventually the newbie will drop off, not being able to keep up.

Another group would prefer the pantry entry. They usually group together at certain times in a day, if the water cooler is not in the pantry; the crowd might be seen crowding the cooler area. In the pretext of waiting to fill up their 5 litre water bottle, 4-5 people wait and chit chat. Funnily, these are usually the same faces, all the time. That’s a quick gulp down!

Some others prefer the after hours team. This is the after-hours socializing group which hops from one bar to another until they find their preferred spot. These drinking nomads are usually a fun bunch to hang out with. The decibel of the group will increase as the hours pass. Highly recommended for newbie in a new team. For those who are against alcoholic drinks, mock tails can be enjoyed as a substitute.

Finally, the one activity which gives the most bliss among all mentioned above is peeing. Toilet time is known to be inspirational for some. My previous manager claimed that her most creative time was time spent in the small cubicle of 4 walls. Suggestions to turn the cubicle into an office were subsequently turned down due to lack of resources.

So, there you go. A list of possible “break-time” options for you to choose from. Ultimately, there has to be a break-free session for you to peel yourself out of your desk for at least 5-10 minutes in each hour. If working time = $$ and break time = opportunity to be more productive, then working time should be balanced with the latter. Besides, all work and no play make a dull and plain Jane.

When to say goodbye to your recruiter

So i called ann** not her real name at 830am, hoping to get her attention first thing in the morning. Sorry, she's not at her desk yet was the receptionist reply. I think i heard a yawn there. Never mind, i'll call back i say and hang up. I continue browsing through jobstreet, jobsDB & monster simultaneously. I've mastered the art of multi tasking whilst being jobless. So this answers the question: how have you spent your days. Self-enhancing-creative education!

Job hunting is a full time job. Whoever said that a jobless person has nothing to do. Okay, now that i'm done entertaining my random passing thoughts, i'm going to ring up my recruiter again. Hopefully she's returned to her desk from the coffee machine chatter at the pantry. Yes! This time, Ann answers the phone and when i give her my name, there's an awkward silence on the other end. Erm, we spoke two days ago? For the developer position you have in Venus? No, not the one in Jupiter, its venus, where you come from. (i mumbled that below my breath, of course!)

Oh yes, now I remember. Sorry but i don't have any positions for you at the moment says my recruiter.

Erm but i just saw positions A, B, D & E reposted yesterday by you. I fully qualify for these roles. Why don't you profile me over? 

Oh.. Sheepishly laughs and says- well, those positions A& B are already closed & the other 2 is still open. BUT client is looking for the X-race, you know, for cultural fit purposes and to fulfil departmental quota. Sigh.. I thought quotas were abolished since Apartheid era? I say this to her to which she immediately answered, i'll call u if i find anything suitable. Kill me now, i say. I've heard these lines at least 100 times & this conversation repeated at least 50 times since i started job hunting. I was proactive enough to call and askif there's something wrong with my application, how can i improve, any new positions etc etc. But the only treatment i get from my recruiters is the silence kind. Cold and distant. I decided to fire my recruiter. And 3 months after pin drop silence from her, she calls me with her friendliest tone. Hey, how have you been? Long time huh? Listen, are you still looking for a job now? 

Oops, guess what? I just got employed by your competitor recruitment agency. I believe the role is in your bucket as well. You should go check it & close the position. And by the way, I now represent Jupiter Entreprises and we are dropping your agency services. Thank you for your services & have a nice day!

Toot toot toot..

Granny is the new baby sitter of New Age!

A very recent incident which involved a side tracked husband caught my attention recently. Wifey lives with her mother and three kids. Husband plays the “Santa Claus” role by taking the kids out on their birthdays. Wifey goes to work, leaving the kids with a 65 year old mother, to single handedly bathe, feed, cook, clean the house and run after them. Wifey feels she is playing her part by giving the mother some allowances to manage the household. But given the above scenario, is she really in a supporting role?

I’d vote for the mother as the “real” supporter in this case. Raising 2 young kids at this time and age is not an easy task. It seems a little too daunting for the own mother herself when she is forced to spend time after work or over weekend with them. Naturally the task becomes easier as the children grow but little does wifey realize that the task is zapping her own mother of her rightful freedom. The freedom to do things that she truly enjoys such as reading, watching a favorite TV program or simply resting.

Although most would argue that grandparents have nothing else to do since they are retired, the reality is a far cry from the truth.

The above scenario is not new to most people these days. We hear about grandparents turned into baby sitters as if they are destined to do it. The logic often used is that grandparents love their grandchildren and they naturally enjoy doing it.

Let’s inject a few elements of truth here. The cardinal duty of taking care of their children falls on the own parents. The constraints of economy have brought about dual income family where both parents have to work to bring food to the table. This has started the trend of sending children to day care and preschools earlier than the supposed age. Unfortunately, not many parents choose this option as it can be geographically impossible or economically not feasible to send their children to a third party. Instead, they choose to send their children to their own retired parents, loading the task of baby sitting over their resting time.

Some give allowances in appreciation for the time taken while some others just close an eye. How to pay when our pay is not enough for us to buy rice even – is usually the argument.

There are always 2 sides to a coin, and this is no exception.

In reality, this is very common in Asian countries where grandparents who are either retired or have been homemakers their whole life are turned into super humans, expected to run after 3 year olds in their frail age. Sometimes I do wonder if these people ever consider their parents age when it comes to running after their children. What if they fall sick? Who will take care of them? What if they enjoy reading and quiet times? Can they then send the kids back to you at work to take care? There are sacrifices they have to make and considering their frail age and time, there is no time left for them to enjoy their own small pleasures of life.

They have all the rights to live as much as parents have the rights to work. They have paid their dues by raising us up and this is a period of time when they should be playing a real granny role, the pampering, and enjoying the companionship of their grandchildren.

If parents have planned to bring their offspring into the world, they should also plan to take care of them, in any way possible. If they are unsure about the hygiene of day care, pay the centers a visit; take extra precaution in choosing a day care for your own child.

If finance is really tight to send them to one and grandparents is the only alternative, find means to assist with the housework, prepare meals before hand so granny doesn’t end up having to do everything. Give them small unexpected treats occasionally – send them off for a holiday over a weekend, sponsor them a spa or massage session or simply allow them their TV time and take the kids out over a weekend or two. This will give them some peace at home for them to focus on them for a change. Everyone needs a time of their own, and they are no exception.

Some of the above suggestions don’t involve monetary investment but it’s the thought that counts, truly.

I'm back in the CBD!

A new chapter begins this September, year 2012.
It's a brand new area of practise altogether and this brings in new opportunities to learn. Which is something I am totally excited about which is learning! Some say it's going to be an overload of information which I think should be exactly what I need. So it's still within the field of Human Resources - compensation and benefits. To total up my experience listing, to-date I've clocked at least 5,600 hours in recruitment. An area which I am not keen to look back into at all. Okay there was performance management which I enjoyed. Training & Development was exciting as well. Coaching and mentoring was definitely worth my time and ticked me really well. There are still a few key areas I need to put my head into and coincidentally C&B came by. I was initially looking for OD roles (Organizational Development). None of which came around and when C&B option opened up, I took it up. Day two and I went for a client visit. It was training all day on how client can utilise the tools we provided but I was engaged in the session all the way. I did the exercise with client as it involved job evaluation, an area which I was familiar with as well.
And more to follow in the days to come.
Okay, there are many blessings to count... Firstly, the gym I frequent is literally 2 buildings away, the train station is within walking distance, KLCC is within walking distance, the park is within distance, there's ample of food options, Subway is. The banks are within walking distance, the trains are next door, literally. Salsa club is opposite my office. When I hear how far away some of my colleagues travel to get to work, I feel so blessed. I have nothing to complain about and I should really be grateful.

So that's it, back in the Central Business District (CBD) and I feel so blessed. Thank you!

the Return

I just realised that my last post here was in October 2011. I still remember writing it and feels like yesterday. Reality sinks in, it's been 11 months since and December is closing in. So, quite update on progress and let's move on to greater things.
Back from Singapore for good on the 31st of June 2012. Been hunting for jobs since. No real luck really but am still keeping my head up high.
I'll be keeping a close watch on the way the market responds to a talented individual like me, being out of job for more than a month now. A detailed update on my adventures will be posted regularly (i hope). Till then, i'll have to get back to my resume update. Successfully re-profiled self on LinkedIN and now Jobstreet but the page wouldn't load. The saga continues...

Temptation by fried chicken

I lean against the train walls, taking in the fragrant smell of fried chicken. A plate of KFC chicken thigh comes to mind. I'm torn! I just started my gym workout again today, after what seemed like eternity. How can this happen to me???
The very smell of food sends rambles in my stomach. Hunger signals sent to my brains & automatically the mind associates with KFC! Virtually mapping the way to the food chain at the interchange i'll be alighting at, i'm torn. Giving in to my craving would mean defeat, of time mind over my new found motivation to continue my gym workouts. Should i or should i not?
One part of me says "it's just for one day" another debates "don't give in, look for a healthier option".
In the midst of all the debates going on within my head, i sniffed the airconditioned coach i was in & alas, no fried smell, only foul smell or sweat & foul swears heard. My cravings creeped out of the station we last stopped at, as it's nowhere to be smelt now. Adios temptasion!

New day

I took the premium bus today. Its been a very lovely sunshiney day so i wanted to be as close to it as i can. The premium is an 18 seater bus and no one is allowed to stand. It has wide windows so you'll get a beautiful city view together with the sun if you sit in it. Doesn't burn your pocket as much as compared to taking a cab since it only costs $4!
On a regular note, i'd usually take a bus to the interchange, alight 3 stops later, walk 4 mins to the MRT, queue & board the train, alight 9 stops later & walk 5mins to the office. If i'm lucky & get to sit on the 1st bus, that'll be my last chance to sit throughout my 30-40mins journey. I'd usually board at the tail of the train as there's usually some quiet standing space. I cannot imagine standing anywhere near their door for getting squashed is a must.
So comparing both experiences, i must say the latter is a luxury... At an extra cost of $2.21.
I'd say its definitely worth it.
For those curious about this comfort bus, lookup ComfortDelgro online & search for a bus nearest to you. If you happen to board a 523, you'd be lucky to bump into me :)

They're not walking too fast but too slow?
Really? I think not. When you are on a fast lane, everyone around you will seem too slow for your pace. Try getting out earlier to head to work one day & see the difference. Try it on a weekday when you're not working. A variety of ways & you will see the difference. The world around you is your very own perspective. You see what you want to see.. Try it with different moods & energy.
A more apparent sample is with Mondays. One of the most dreaded days to many. Mainly due to the 2 days of rest, most people would drag themselves out of bed. Exception are the ones who are truly springs with excitement with the thought of work.

The 'Break'

Everyone talks about 'breaks'. Big-breaks, taking a break, on a break, break a leg... The list goes on.
As for me, 2011 started with promises of a 'big-break'. I took a long break at the end of Jan & flew to Cambodia for a holiday. That signified January for me. Now, in February, I was making a mental note of taking a break at the end of the month to go on a quick holiday. Somehow, my subconscious mind worked faster than my actions.
It was the 20th of Feb, on a Sunday afternoon. I had absolutely no plans that morning. Not wanting to waste the remainder of my Sunday, I decided to return the Spanish book I borrowed from the National Library. The kids were crying from wanting to follow me & the tension from hearing both their screams and crying was building up. I had to leave as fast as I could.. The sounds were deafening. Run!!!! I recalled telling myself. In that speed of moving around, I walked into my mums' room & in avoiding my mother who was standing on my way, my leg angled to the edge of the king sized teak-wood bed and hit it with a fierce bang! I immediately broke down on tears. The pain was unbearable and looking at my toe, I knew it was broken. I cried in pain while I tip-toed my way to my own room where I laid my head to rest. In that instant, the next 1 week of home rest flashed in my head.
There was no one at home to take me to the doctor for an x-ray so I waited for vj to finish class to take me to the doctor. Waiting for a cab on a Sunday was not even an option. It was 1230pm when he finally called. I was very calm by then as I just lay still on the bed, not moving the broken toe at all.
He arrived 30mins later, took me to Lourdes medical, I had my x-ray done & the doctor advised me to admit myself overnight or come early the next morning to meet the orthopaedics.
Decision.. Decision.. Decision..

They're not walking too fast but too slow?
Really? I think not. When you are on a fast lane, everyone around you will seem too slow for your pace. Try getting out earlier to head to work one day & see the difference. Try it on a weekday when you're not working. A variety of ways & you will see the difference. The world around you is your very own perspective. You see what you want to see.. Try it with different moods & energy.
A more apparent sample is with Mondays. One of the most dreaded days to many. Mainly due to the 2 days of rest, most people would drag themselves out of bed. Exception are the ones who are truly springs with excitement with the thought of work.

Singapore trip

From all my times of travelling to Singapore, I've used a few modes of transport. Drive, train, fly, bus. Among all those modes, driving into Singapore has been most convenient. Of course you'll need to have a place to stay and buy parking coupons if you choose this option. The first time I drove, we stayed in hotel 81 in Chinatown. There was an open parking closeby to the hotel. Parking overnight doesn't require parking coupons but we had to buy some from 7-11 the very next morning to display them in the car. Of course there is a free ERP entrance at least 10 times in 5 years or something (I can't remember the details now).

Flying into Singapore via budget flights are a good option too. Air Asia has a space in Terminal 1 surprisingly but Fireflyz which is the budget arm of our national carier, MAS is in the budget terminal. I find terminal 1 to be an easier exit compared to the budget terminal as one needs to endure a very long walk from the air site to exit.

This time around, I did this differently, flew in via Air Asia and then took a bus back. I was supposed to take a bus to transit from my different locations : Robinson Rd to Orchard Rd (Takashimaya) to Suntec City (Temasek Boulevard). Unfortunately, due to time constraint, I ended up taking taxis instead.

Taxis here are very efficient. Unlike in Malaysia, there's little haggling and negotiating. You can just get into the cab you've hailed and request to go where you want to go. They'll turn the meter on and off you go. It's very safe to take the taxis at night too. I still recall my experience of taking a bus down and arriving at about 2 am and having to take a bus from Novena to my friends place at Simei.

After all my set appointments, I jumped into my last cab and asked to go to Golden Mile Complex to catch a bus back. I was just in time as there was one bus leaving for KL in the next 5 mins. The fare was about SD25 (i think). Considering that i've not eaten anything since breakfast at 6, I decided to grab a bite, bought a pau and got onto the bus. Being a weekday, the bus was half full. Only the first 5 seats were filled and the entire back rows were empty. So I could sit wherever I wanted. I lowered my seat and slept throughout the journey. From 2:30pm, we arrived in KL at about 7:30. The bus took us to the TBS terminal at Salak South. It's a transit terminal which connects to the Star LRT, ERL which takes you to KLIA and KTM Komuter which takes you to town.

If you are planning to take a flight upon arriving in KL, this' the best option.

It's quite a long walk to the train station from here though. But once you're in the train, you can relax all the way till you reach your destination. Beware of pickpockets though while you're walking and always be aware of your surroundings.

On the theory of planning and conspiracy

Date: 23rd March 2011. Its my 3rd xray check up at Pantai Medical Centre. While waiting for Vj to arrive at 830, i decided to do a few things. Firstly i cut my long nails, read my bible, chat with Mum. There's a girl who is used to parking her Car right in front Of our house. Usually we never see her & the same happens in the evening wen she returns. However, today, by luck she was still in her car putting on her makeup when I spotted her. I told mum casually that the girl who has bought the parking spot on contract has arrived & she's still in her car! Mum was adamant that I should go & talk to her & so I did! Funny and rather sarcastic conversation I had. Anyway she asked for a contract extension till next Tues. & I said ok & came back in. Shortly after, VJ came over & I hopped into his car. Following that were series of un-meaningful events.. Drop off @ lobby, VJ goes to basement to look for parking while I hop to the x-ray dept to register, VJ joins me, I have my x-ray taken, collect result & hop on to have breakfast before doctors appmt at 10am. Then it was English Muffin, Kapitan chicken pie & mocha @ Starbucks & then we were off to the doctors visit. Very brief xray explanation & I was given another 3 weeks of MC!!! Wow now that totals up to 6 weeks of sitting @ home?? Sheesh... I felt funny, mixed emotions & I wasn't sure why because just minutes before going in for consultation, I was hoping for an MC extension! Why? Coz CSC was where I was supposed to go to report for duty on the 24th (tomorrow). Unfortunately, Muhan SMS me the night before & said that they refused to pay for me to go there. This disappointment is what held me back. But another 3 weeks is tight rope too. What if there is no longer a position in PJ office? My heart was no longer with Subang office to go back there. After speaking to Muhan, we agreed that I will inform him on the 28th whether I can join or otherwise.. On another note, I decided to go over to KL office to meet Mel & speak to her directly about the situation. This needs to be done on Friday (Tom). So after appointment events were surrounding us looking for parking at MidValley. VJ who is usually patient had his patience tested to the limit but still endured it. After a painstaking 20mins or so we finally got one spot. First stop was GSC. It was Wednesday! Half price tics!! Unfortunately no nice shows worth watching was playing so movie plan cancelled. Next was Jusco to redeem his birthday gift vouchers. Oh yes, prior to that, I randomly walked into A Cut Above to enquire on the rate for balding. RM115 for any type of restyle. Then I left to follow VJ to jusco. Along the way, vj kept commenting on my funny balding idea & said that i'll look really sick since i was also limping then. He even said tat he will not see me for 3months after if i do cut my hair.. Funnily, while we were walking back to the car VJ suggested we go bald anyway. I was taken aback since by this point I didnt want to do it. I thought I'll drop by another day & get it done since I was totally cashless the whole day! I gave all the money I had for mum to buy gas that morning & the other balance amount was used to buy groceries when I took mum & the kids to Giant on Tuesday. I was supposed to withdraw from the ATM but smartly I left the card in another bag!! As I felt awful to ask VJ to go eat, I suggested we head home instead. He insisted tat I go cut hair instead & I agreed & went! He walked me in & left to wander around. In between I had to decide on the exact length I wanted & if a little short is enough.. Tough calls to make & with the fact tat VJ wasn't next to me, my gut feel was that this is my decision, I shud make the call myself. True enuf he told me the same thing when we met.. Hair turned out fabulous! I began to grow loving it more & more as we kept walking & talking about it. My crowning Glory was chopped, trimmed & shaved off for a cleaner look. A lot of mixed reactions and comments but it didn't matter at all to me. Today, being the 23rd also counts down to my turning 30!! Wow how momentus this moment is... Thanks to VJ for making today happen since if it wasn't for his insistence & my boldness to agree despite all his stupid remarks, today wouldn't have happened! & finally, after cracking my head for so long on what I should plan or do for my birthday, everything fell into place.. So what's the plan you may ask? Well, read on and the answers will unveil itself to u...

Know thy enemy

So, why is it so important to know what you eat?

You can tell a healthy perspn from one who is not based on what he / she eats. Try it. observe or ask someone you know about their eating pattern and see if it correlates to their fitness level / physical appearance / health condition.

Now if you'd just google up these information, pull out a food chart, nutrition chart and diet page, all the facts figures and ideas would come flooding your mind. Now, here's a simple straightforward page which gives a basic run down of what are the basics of what you need to know. Taken from About.com Guide.

Updated May 13, 2011

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by our Medical Review Board

Here's How:

1. Eating breakfast will help you refuel after a long night's sleep and start your day with more energy. Choose some protein and fiber for your breakfast and it's a good time to eat some fresh fruit:
   • one serving of oatmeal
   • one-half cup strawberries
   • a tablespoon or two chopped nuts
   • glass of orange juice
2. A mid-morning snack is totally optional. If you ate a larger breakfast you may not feel hungry until lunchtime. However, if you're feeling a bit hungry and lunch is still two or three hours away, a light mid-morning snack will tide you over without adding a lot of calories:
   • One serving of plain yogurt mixed with one-half cup blueberries and a little honey
   • Water or diet soda
3. Lunch is often something you eat at work or school, so here is an idea for a portable lunch you can pack and take with you:
   • A sandwich made with two slices of 100% whole grain bread, two or three ounces of lean turkey breast, a little mayonnaise or mustard, a tomato slice and lettuce
   • One-half to one cup raw baby carrots
   • One can or bottle of sparkling water
   Or if you eat at a restaurant:
   • Order a vegetable salad with the dressing served on the side
   • cup of soup
4. A mid-afternoon snack is also optional. Keep it low in calories and eat just enough to keep you from feeling too hungry - dinner is just a couple of hours away.
   • One apple and 12 walnuts
   • Glass of milk
5. Dinner is a time when it's easy to over-eat, especially if you haven't eaten much during the day, so watch your portion sizes. Mentally divide your plate into four quarters. One quarter is for your meat or protein source, one quarter is for a starch and the last two quarters are for green and colorful vegetables and/or a green salad:
   • One serving of baked or roasted chicken breast
   • One small baked potato with salsa or low-fat sour cream
   • Large portion of steamed asparagus
   • One small 100% whole-grain roll
   • Small glass of white wine (optional)
6. A light complex carbohydrate-rich evening snack may help you sleep, but avoid heavy, greasy foods or foods high in refined sugars.
   • Six whole grain crackers
   • Two ounces sliced cheese
   • Piece of fresh fruit

Tips:

1. Drink several glasses of water throughout the day.
2. Choose whole-grain breads and cereals.
3. Serve lean meats instead of high fat processed meats.
4. Avoid foods that are high in fats and added sugars.

Gym - Identifying the enemy

After so much soul searching and thinking done on my part, i've decided to put pen onto paper and set my goals.
As it is with any goal setting writing it down is definitely more effective than creating the ideas and goals in our head. So i'm setting it out in a book to document every single progress, inch by inch, exercises done and food taken. Also, you need to know who your enemy is before you step onto the battlefield.

Generally when you starts on a journey to loose weight, you'd naturally hit the gym or the park, start running and exercising, more frequently in the first few weeks and reducing it to once or twice in the next following weeks, reducing it to once a month and then to none while you see yourselves back at square one.

When starting an exercise regime itself, you'll naturally feel more hungry and tend to eat a lot more or the same portions you used to eat before consoling yourself over the fact that you've exercised and thus the food should be digested faster since you're increasing your metabolic rate. Now here's the hard fact or truth - it doesn't work that way.

Sadly, when you start off your exercise regime, be it to loose some obvious love handles, reduce your waist line or even to tone your body or to be healthy overall, food control works hand in hand with your exercise. They co-exist, not stand alone!
So, in order to combat your excess fat, know the source of it - "the enemy"

Read on to what is your enemy all about and how to combat it...

Gym Again Part 3

As mentioned previously, when I first joined the gym, I was motivated by the feel good factor it gave me when I attended the 1 hour classes. And then there was the jet-shower which had good pressure which gives you a good massage feel. Those were my reasons. 


Most of my friends who initially joined the gym did it for these reasons:
1) Check out good looking guys
2) Have something to do after work - to kill time instead of being stuck in a traffic jam
3) Join dance / yoga classes
4) Loose love handles
5) Go together with office colleagues (the more the merrier)


Among the whole lot, one or two stay on for another month or two before terminating their membership. This usually happens under 1 year of joining. Why exactly does this happen? Is the gym not equipped enough? Not enough motivation to keep going? Lost of interest? Gym fees eat into expenses and becomes too expensive?


Actually, the REAL reason behind it is their own self. Going to the gym is seen as a social activity with friends from work. And friends do fall out. Even if you're best of buddies, it's very uncommon to find a common ground in exercise. We're all built differently and just as our bodies respond differently to different medication, the same goes to exercise. Something I do is not necessarily sufficient for the one next to me, in many ways. 
The fall out usually happens when these expectations we have inside is not met at the gym. 

Gym Again Part 2

Notice that I didn't think twice when terminating my gym membership the first time? It was easy because there was no real motivation in the first place. Nothing that I could relate to, I didn't see any "real" physical changes except for the feel-good factor after a good 1 hour dance workout. The feel-good feeling was not strong enough to keep me going to the gym.
By this time, I concluded this few mistakes I must never repeat:


1) Never join the gym just because 
a)  your friends are asking you to 
b)  the whole office had a group discount and you get a cheap membership 
c)  your friend who "needs" to lose weight pulls you in with her to buddy and go together


WHY? Because the above reasons are not values you hold close to you. They are others' motivation. Not yours. 


Do YOU feel fat and ugly? 
Do YOU feel unhealthy or facing health problems such as difficulty in breathing or walking caused by overweight?
Were YOU advised by the doctor to lose some weight to keep your heart from getting clogged by fat?
Any reasons which relates to YOU are the only reasons you should use to join a gym. The decision to join a gym should be only about you, not about your friends / neighbours / siblings.


The only exception to this rule is NONE. Do it only when you have a REAL need to either keep fit or lose weight or tone your body. Only then will your efforts pay off.


I have REAL reasons to why I'm claiming the above. Read on to know why..

Gym exposure

The first gym I enrolled in was California Fitness (CF). This was in 2005 and I joined because the dude who signed us up was good looking. Actually the main reason was also to accompany my friend Roc who then was very determined to start working out. Notice that it wasn't purely "MY OWN" intention. They were intentions of my friend and a cute guy who was a total bore anyway and none of those were concrete enough reasons to keep me grounded to stay on.


CF then was in Midvalley and I used to work at Central Plaza along Jalan Sultan Ismail. My routine was to be up by 7am, take a commuter train from Sentul to Mid Valley to attend their 8am yoga class. I did this religiously for at least 3 times a week. Work starts at 11am then (Middle East timing) so I had ample of time to continue this schedule. After workout, I would take a bus to KL city centre near Central Market and switch to another bus which heads to Jalan Raja Chulan where i'd get off and walk to office. Looking back, I'm surprised at my own perseverance to endure the waiting time (public transport services back then wasn't so great as the waiting time was usually between 20-30 minutes and can go up to an hour sometimes).


I still think that a bulk of my keeping fit was contributed by my walking stint. Eventually, CF moved to Menara Standard Chartered which was right next to my office building! What a great timing it was. Roc and I used to meet a few times in a month (the number of times can be counted by hand) at the gym to attend a yoga or pilates lesson together. I used to hate the machines so we'll attend a class, sit in the sauna room while chit chatting and then shower and head home. So gym activity for us was a social meeting. Sometimes we'll walk to secret Recipe for dinner and at other times we'd head home. The routine of going to the gym in the mornings before work continued on for me and i'd go in the evenings when i'm meeting Roc.


Eventually I started getting more busy at work and gym took a back seat. Therefore gym sessions were reduced from 12 times a month to 4 times a month! I didn't see any more reason to go there to do a 1-hour dance class since I also started taking up salsa lessons outside.  Salsa was a long pending plan so I took it up in fear that my knee will be too weak to dance as I grow older. So I dropped out of gym and terminated my membership without second thoughts thinking my money was being wasted. Sigh.. this only marks the beginning of an even longer ordeal.. Read on.

My exercise history

I'm not exactly a very health-or exercise concerned person. Even in school, my only "active" involvement in sports is during PE when we used to play hand ball, did some warm up, long jump, sprint and such. I was very interested in playing badminton so I joined this club and went through intense training with the team coach who was hired by the school. So my Friday noon activities revolved around badminton practise and then i'd head home.

The more important point to note here is the non existant motivation from anywhere to pursue such an interest so young. Even form 6 was the mundane racquet games and running sessions to contribute marks for our sports group. A proper coach was never there to guide, unleash and polish our talents. Be it a talent or a non existant one.

Nearing school sports day even, my stamina is so low that I usually can't run all the way without panting half way. Emphasis in sports was never really given to me. No one at home were actively involved and in turn it wasn't exactly became a habit for me to keep up. The fact that my parents were small framed, never too fat but just right, and we were always walking from anywhere to everywhere kept us in our shapes. We never had an urgency to keep fit or get into shape because we always were in shape.

However, in growing up and being exposed to the real world and outside food, realisation hits. It's not all rosy and healthy food outside where control in salt, MSG overuse and sugar content is out of our hands. When exposed to these, having been accustomed to home cooked food all my life, the stomach had to adjust readjust and also rebel.
Once the turmoil was over, I could mouth and digest anything I wanted including spicy food with loads of ice water and tissue at hand. And then comes the exercise conscience since bad fat keeps adding up and as the age adds a year getting rid or back to shape gets even harder and requires more effort.

In my case, it's literally starting from scratch considering my zero exposure to exercise since birth. I'm going to dedicate the next few pages to my getting back to shape ordeal. This is no easy task as I'm struggling just as every normal individual would to get rid of fat without the aid of steroids or medication.

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