Antenatal Depression

I found myself googling on the effects of depression during pregnancy, any harm to the baby. Obviously there are the more severe conditions faced by most women out there. To my surprise, quite a significant number of women (about 300 odd women) wrote about how they lack their spousal support, leading them on to depression and in some cases, they are forced to take medications to help themselves. Err.. okay, I don't take any medication and I do not intend to (it's mentioned that it'll do more good than harm). A child born under depression could be prematured, resulting in underdeveloped systems and worst still, experience stress later on in their own lives. I could relate to the breaking down and crying, feeling helpless and feel like i'm being a burden for asking favours. Even the smallest gestures send me to tears these days. The main stem of my own depression is caused by an unmet desire... :( I need to get over that first before I move on. I tear very easily at almost anything and everything that hurts me these days and a lot gets to me. The other day I was scolded by a lorry driver who got off his lorry and came bashing and knocking at my door. I had a super long day that day. Had to run to a few places and this happened while i was on my wat to fetch hubs from our apartment. Following that, still got some cold shoulder treatment from hubs. Still don't understand how to read him i think. I found out the following day the reason for the treatment. IT's nearing the weekend to our supposed baby moon holiday. He sent me the fares he is entitled to. It was super cheap, I wanted to travel to everywhere. I was soooo excited!! I zoomed in to phuket instead. The date should be the 14th - 16th Dec. I booked my remaining leave for the 16th and half day on the 17th. I was searching for hotels, massive research on prenatal massage, spots which would be most convenient for me to move around etc. I have been to Phuket with my girlfriends before, to the Kuta area so I thought it'd be nice to try a different area this time. So the day is the 10th of Dec. I asked hubs if we are still going and what's the plan since my salary was still not in yet by then, I didn't have any spare cash to use. I thought he'd have a plan since he also agreed with me to go. It's just a matter of a few days for me before salary comes in. He vented his frustration saying that he had to sacrifice paying our mortgage just to plan this vacation. I was taken aback. I became totally confused. I wasn't sure what to feel. We got back to step ONE. We have been planning to go somewhere since January 2013, planning ahead for our honeymoon after the 19th of June. So I suggested a short trip on the 19th to return just in time for our wedding dinner on saturday but that didn't happen. Hubs had his explanations. And then I suggested a cruise, the week after the wedding. And he had his court case hearing then plus meetings. So i ended up going back to work while he went on to attend to his matters. So a lot of leave days were used for his leave and court cases. Nothing was planned for our trip together. Then there was the no money season and no leave season and then i got preggers and I knew this day would arrive when I'd want to go somewhere. So I planned a trip to Paris. Supposed to happen in November and then I realised, shit, tight for cash again. And then there was the no time early November that cropped up. To hide my embarrasment (as my close frens knew about the plan), i said that doctor didn't allow me to travel so long and far. I used the short Penang and SG flight experience I had as an excuse as well. So I suggested a shorter trip instead so we can cut down on the cost. So dilly dally and I came to a point when it was December and hubs tells me that he has no more leave days left. I cried my heart out loud. I couldn't contain my sadness. As I still can't do it now. I've attempted to plan with him, without him, my hours of researching for a holiday is all futile. I've come to a bump. I felt like I was burdening him with the idea to take off just because I cannot travel anymore after this till another 6 months - 1 year at least. Its difficult turning from being an active adventurous person to a domestic cat, trying to attend to someone's needs daily and then go to sleep, then work and the same routine continues. We have clearly fallen into a routine, something i've always preached about avoiding. I watched it unfold simply because hubs is busy with his agenda. Although he claims that this' a temporary state, it's left a deep scar within me... I cry daily thinking about it, and I can't hide it from my eyes, which has lost its sparkle. It rained heavily driving back yesterday and this' after finding out that the only weekend he is free on for us to go anywhere to holiday is not going to happen. Mental note to self - never initiate another holiday in the future..

Another chapter is born: The pregnancy

So, i've been missing for almost 6 months and now i'm preggers for 5! It's been an awesome journey so far, with ups and downs of course. So what has been the best and worst parts so far? There's no longer a need to change diapers a few days in a month because I don't bleed anymore. However, that's now been replaced with frequent toilet visits as I can't seem to control my bladder! LOL! I have not had any real cravings so far except for the constant tom yum dishes I was addicted to in my first 3 months. I did crave for a particular kueh recently, it's a donut-like savoury cake made locally, known as kueh keria/ gulung. Unfortunately neither my mom or hubby managed to find it! and I never ended up getting it. I made it myself instead. It was nice. Finished the whole lot myself and gave some to mom. Besides that, I have been craving to go on a trip so badly and i've not done it yet! This' probably stemming from us not having gone on a honeymoon as yet! Yup! we were supposed to go for a cruise after the wedding and then there was the no time and now no money situation that's cropped up. Then there was the trip to Paris and Frankfurt that was supposed to happen in Nov and it's Nov now but that can't happen as well. Oh yes, I did go on a short trip to Malacca with (ironically) the in-laws, again, without hubby coz he had class which couldn't be replaced. So that was fun, at least something. I was like a lil' girl out on an excursion as I enjoyed every journey of being outside. Reminded me of my now-buried interest of being outdoors, travelling etc. Sigh.. I doubt I can go on one with hubby before I deliver so am planning to take off on my own (a bit sad, yes but hubby seems to have his own priorities which doesn't include me in it). So that's gonna be post-Christmas plans. Gonna settle for something simple, quiet, refreshing and relaxing with easy access so thinking local. I've always been a huge fan of massages and foot rubs, usually at the spas and massage parlours. However, with the pregnancy, I wish I had a masseur on stand by who can just give me a foot rub and back rub every night before I sleep. It's sooo stressful on my feet as I still drive to work and do my daily chores as usual. Unfortunately, ain't getting that either. So i'm left to bonding with the baby on my own as hubby is busy settling some work issues he has to deal with. I can now feel him and am learning his patterns of waking up, hunger and fun activity (kicking me!). Oh yes, speaking of being preggers, I have been getting a lot of "nice" treatments from strangers who think that I should be treated nicely because I'm carrying. Nice thought! However, some others do treat me like i'm deceased. And then there's some who can't give a damn, like when I'm standing in a train, holding on to railings and barely able to balance my stand. I console myself thinking oh.. maybe I don't look so preggers after all. LOL! I should start my prenatal yoga lessons again. It was a tight schedule for the past few weeks so I'll be on my schedule again in no time. I did go for one lesson in PJ on my 3rd month and didn't go back. I must make memories with my pregnancy so there's something fun to think of. Oh yes, bestie Sumi is cmg down in Feb for a visit so that's something to look forward to. And Pat from Singapore is visiting in Dec ;) So I should count my blessings after all. Still crossing my fingers to hope that I'll have better memories to build with hubby instead of just finding his hand to put on my belly to feel baby boy kick and play.

Settling into a new phase in life

So i've moved into a brand new phase of life - all within 6 months. June 2013 came and left like a tornado. I became a wife and a life companion to my 6 years-long love. It helps that both our parent's home is within 15 mins from where we live. Since June we have been in constant contact and visits with home. Mostly on an as an when needed basis. Our brand new #ikeakitchen arrived in July. After much drama, of course. We have been planning our #kitchen for the past 6 months, on top of the wedding plans and home renovation, shifting out of our old house. When we booked the kitchen and paid cash at the checkout counter it was almost 11pm. After checking out, we had to take a queue number at the service counter to arrange for delivery of our kitchen items. Little did we know that we had to make arrangements with the contractors of Ikea to install the cabinets! So, the delivery guys are different that the guys who put the kitchen together! #CTArtDesign are the guys who fix the cabinets and we're supposed to make arrangements with them to book their schedule as they are usually booked back to back. I got on the phone with the customer service person and she told me that the next available date is 1 month away! I almost fainted! I threw a ruckus, told her I won't be in town then (partly true as my Singapore biz trip was due that same time) and I insisted she took another look at the schedule she had. Apparently they had an overwhelming booking due to the recent #IkeaKitchenPromo ending June. After about 2 mins, she came back to the phone and said there's another available slot a week from then. With a sigh of relief I immediately booked that slot and asked hubs to stay home to see through the contractors instead. They did an awesome job! The kitchen cost us a total of MYR4,500. For all our baskets, table top, and cabinets. Since it's just the two of us, I didn't want to go all out and fill the walls as well. I wanted to see some space so left it with the standing cabinets for now. I'll try to find some before and after pics to be posted. #IkeaKitchen rocks!

Goodbye debts,hello financial freedom!

I've recently ticked off one more item on my bucket list: to become a financial planner. Well, i'm not quite there yet but i've started the chapter. Now the journey starts with this first step.

Sat for my CEILI and PCE exam and signed on with Great Eastern (GE). Why GE? Many people ask me this and my only answer is - I always choose to be with the best to be the best. This is one pattern that shows in most of my other choices made in career, life etc. Well, it's not all rosy and perfect but it's WIP (Work In Progress). WIP Bangsar also happens to be another of my fav hangout for Jazz music mainly.
I've partnered up with a team of great people who call themselves as TotalCoverageSolutions (TCS). They offer the entire spectrum of financial planning from motor, life insurances to retirements, stock, public mutual, bonds, etc.

So now, my journey with TCS as a financial planner begins. The first part to it is Life Insurance. For the past 18 years, i've been told to invest in insurance, take on a policy to protect myself as you'll never know when what will happen. I've also always viewed insurance agents as people who just want to sell sell sell and make money out of you. How wrong I was when I came to find out that these people who call themselves agents are supposed to be partners with us, laymen, to educate us about our options in making smart financial decisions in life. I guess this goes back to the experiences we have with our respective agents. As most of them come up to me and present a plan. Efforts of getting to know me is there but for reasons I'm sure relating to sales. Sigh... Now that I'm on the other side of the court, I have come to know some really genuine people who provide advise with no selling involved! I'm convinced that every single living person should invest in a pool of savings called insurance and other portfolios for the benefit of their own lives. You don't necessarily have to buy from me for saying this, take the lesson, find your own agent, google, toggle do whatever it takes. But seriously, DO something. Find out. Speak to someone. Ask about your options. I don't settle easily with a text book answer so I'm always as curious as a cat to find out about my options and it's done me good so far. The reality is, everyone needs an agent of their own, not the other way around. People in general need more genuine advise on their choices when it comes to what to do with their hard earned cash without being treated to a one time policy statement and then MIA. There has to be a continuous relationship between the planner and you. This way, you can be rest assured that your assets are in good hands. It's the same as choosing your own lawyer or doctor to work with. You really won't settle for someone whom you think MAYBE or MAYBE NOT have a chance to help you. You'll do your own due diligence to ensure that they WILL help you. Why must it be any different when it comes to managing your own hard earned cash?

The past 8 years of working in recruitment has met me with people from different myriads of life. But one common thread which runs in all of them is this - desperation from no money, as they live from pay check to pay check. It's even more sad to consult candidates who are around the ages 50 and above who are still keen to work due to depleted saving, no more retirement fund, spent their EPF money to marry of their kids or pay for their education, etc etc.

If there is ONE message I can tell you to summarize the experiences of those people who have walked the earth more years than you and me put together it's this: PLAN! It's not a myth, not just a saying but it's the TRUTH. You have to plan your finances just the way you plan your car service, your journey on a holiday, your wedding, parties etc.

If you are one who is quite happy to cruise about life, just remember that those who have cruised before you have not reached anywhere because they never planned to be somewhere in the first place. I'm not referring to having RM1 million in your bank account. But I'm referring to planning your finances sufficient to enjoy your old age without any dependence or desperation.

Failure to plan is not really planning to fail because I believe no one is a failure in life. We are only results of our own choices. But I do believe that the choices we make will make or break our dreams and goals. If you don't have one yet, start now. Look forward and make things happen. I've been there before, wondering what might be and could have been but now it's all about just doing it and seeing the results in real time. Try it, it's an amazing place to be - Real Time ;)