Filial Piety

I was prompted to revisit this blog after a long period of silence.. Prompted by a recent heart to heart session i had with a pure soul. Hence, the subject of this post.

Have you ever wondered what happens when you get old? Do you notice some old people who are super grumpy, cranky and obviously angry with the world? Do you think they lived that way all their lives? Or did something happen along the way which changed their behaviour completely?

If you ever stop to have such a conversation with a soul older than you, please do ask how their childhood was. Perhaps they were married once, and their other half has left to meet his creator, leaving her behind to fend for 15 children single handedly. Did they laugh often growing up? Had enough to eat? How would she had supported them - unable to go out and work for fear of leaving the smaller ones behind, she would have stayed home to ensure there was enough to eat, that the children were safe and taken care of. Which means she would have never worked outside for a single day in her life. Not many people can be enterprising under very stressful or traumatic situation. Most people choose to either fight or take flight. In the case of the single mother who was forced to raise her 15 children all by herself, she chose to fight.

Fast forward that scenario to another 30 years ahead, with all the young ones now employed, married with children of their own. What leaves that single mother with? Having sacrificed all her life for the wellbeing of her children, does she go to the streets now? Or does she go out to look for a job after 50 over years of not having worked for the benefit of her offspring? Who will employ her to do what?

Her lifetime of carrying her babies has now caused her back ache and from hours of standing to do house work and running after her children, she now has leg pain in her joints. With old age, new friends starts to visit, Ms Arthritis peeps in to greet.

How does one give back to such a person? By dropping her off at a home where she can be with those with similar unfortunate situations? Leaving her to remain bedridden so that she can be of no trouble or on the way of your own life?

Again, if you would just fast forward the exact situation to another 30 years of your own life, put yourself into that same situation, how would you feel? If you think of yourself as a "better" person that that same woman discussed above, think again. Who are you to be the judge? The ultimate one sits above us who knows our very thoughts and our hearts, HE will decide. So think..

How #MH17 tragedy has changed lives

July 17th 2014 marks a black day in the history of aviation and particularly that of Malaysia Airlines (MAS) when their MH17 flight carrying 298 humans was shot down by terrorists in the Ukraine-Russia territorial war.

I was super sad when i heard the news confirmed over the late night news on that Friday, i was dumbfounded. It was a war of emotion for me as i didn't know what to say, where to start, who to blame, the list goes on. I recall arguing with Vj on the very fact that the plane shouldn't have even taken that route, why did the pilots still go? I was upset with the pilots at first thinking they made a mistake. Then, I was upset with the militants who shot down a civillian plane. How can they NOT possibly know that it's a civillian aircraft? Days following the incident, more and more facts were unveiled. As I listened and observed each piece of news, my emotions changed to that of acceptance. I resigned to the fact that this was part of GOD's grand plan.

The following months after this very incident, more and more disasters were taking place around the world, mainly in the middle east. The war declared by a muslim militant sect ISIS has ripened and there was inhumane disaster taking place in Gaza, Palestine.

The trails of incident has taught us many important lessons as to why we are put on earth. The way humans were butchered in the name of religious beliefs made us question all our moral education and values.

One important lesson these times are teaching me is family values and love. How short and uncertain life is and to never take anyone you hold dear for granted. The saying Live Like There is No Tomorrow can never hold more true than during this time.

I find myself close to tearing each time i read about the MH17 tragedy, the lives lost, the pain their families must be enduring and of course the many questions of life, the sweet and shortness of our breath always give me the goose bumps and the warm feelings of comfort, knowing how close and near families are to my heart.

#RIPMH17 #planecrash #life #musings #lovelife

Road rage in Malaysia

Malaysia was recently shocked when the video of a young lady showing #rage to an old man who accidentally knocked her car. In the video, the young lady nick named #Kiki literally brought out her car steering lock and started to smash the old man's car while walking about shouting and yelling at him for hitting her car. Unfortunately for her, someone took a video of her actions, posted it on FB and ta-da, she instantly became a #roadrage superstar, literally (the days following her action would justify this).

This incident has drawn the attention of the entire nation and some radio stations decided to ride on her "#accidental fame" for marketing by inviting her for interviews. So many questions of morality and humanity were raised from the incident. Common thread among most people was - seriously, why would you make a road bully famous? TO promote the action? So the story goes that she was slapped with a fine of RM5,000 and 240 hours of public service AND a private political group has decided to support her and started raising funds to help her pay the fund. Since this incident took place in a small state in Malaysia, that state has become more famous since.

Now, let me enlighten you with a small piece of FACT that might or might not shock you - Kiki is not the ONLY road bully driving wild on our roads. She was caught, as the saying goes - wrong time, wrong day. IF she wasn't caught on video, she'd have gone free, and justified her anger. Repeating the same when it happens again in the future. I have personally been a victim of road bully before. Let me share this story here.

So I was driving with a girl friend on a Friday, heading towards Ampang. Jalan Ampang is famous for it's traffic jam and merging roads from many small lorongs, left and right. So we took to the main road from one of these lorongs. And i overtook this other car driven by a young man, let's call him Mat. He was clearly unhappy that I "masuk" in front of his car so he started to drive super close to my car. It was a super hot Friday noon, cars were literally inching away as there was a traffic light ahead of us. So, Mat is already frustrated and suddenly this woman overtakes his car, goes ahead his car and now she is one car ahead of him. Even if he did move ahead, he still would not have reached his destination but that didn't matter because at that point of time, he was just focussed on being over taken by another car. So the saga to revenge begins. As the cars inch on, we move on to the next lane , Mat remains in his lane and he does a sudden sharp turn in front of my car. Thankfully my reaction is super fast as i break in time, just any second late and i'd have hit his car and he'll be able to come out and get me out of the car too.

So, anger builds up as Mat doesn't achieve his aim, whatever it may be - get me out of the car to scold/ to prove a point, whatever. So we move on, realising that he was looking for trouble, I started to devise an escape route. Since it was a two lane road and cars were slowly starting to move, we move in between cars and end up at least 5 cars ahead of him. Mat doesn't give up and he now gets out of his car, walks to my car and starts smashing at my window, shouting at me to come out. He was a big sized Mat & he was hitting my car window with all his might, his face and body actions showed it. No one stopped to ask or stop him and he continued hitting. My friend next to me was all shivers, and my phone was nowhere in sight. I did not show any signs of giving up, kept a straight face and stared back at him. (While wondering of the million what-if's that could happen if he manages to break my window after all). Finally friend located my phone on the car floor and passes it to me. I took it up and started to pretend taking his picture (Actually the battery was already dead). And after that, i just said police to him, showed my phone and started to dial the 3 digits (911! LOL. We had a good laugh after that because our SOS number is 999 not 911!).

When he noticed me doing this, he stopped and walked back to his car. Hurling bad angry words at me still. So, moving ahead, i quickly took another road and a few other roads, and ended up at the police station to report Mat. Unfortunately I did not capture his car plate number even! Anyway, i just submitted the report and went home, hoping not to bump into Mat again.

Incident 2 for me happened just yesterday while i was driving along Jalan Sultan Ismail. I was driving at about 100kmph and suddenly this cabbie was trying to turn in to my late, literally few seconds ahead of me. I just honked to alert cab uncle. If my honk could speak, it would have said this: "watch out uncle, i'm coming on too fast, don't cut now". Unfortunately since that technology isn't invented yet, uncle must have taken that honk to mean "move away" or "stop, idiot" or even a "hello" because he honked back. He continued to follow my car all the way till i reached my building, as I was turning in to enter the car park, he let out another loud honk and drove on. Seriously, that was almost 5 minutes from when I last honked at him and he kept that grudge all the way and let it out with a honk. Bet it made his day, for not allowing himself to be bullied (in his little mind).

So, there you go, these 2 are only small stories from our daily travels. There are sooo many cases out there where road bullies are free and getting their way. I think honks are taken as threat when used in Malaysia because it seems to trigger an anger wire in most drivers here. Another thought that came to my mind was that most people are very angry these days. Be it on the road, in malls, homes, offices, restaurants, everywhere. And the smallest event pulls off their trigger and there's an anger outburst!

People are moving too fast, failing to stop and breathe. But most importantly, they are running the rat wheel with fear that they might need to stop breathing as the oxygen is getting too expensive to be afforded. In that process, values arer compromised, life becomes mechanical. Sigh... The changing times is leading us to a dim, lifeless future. Perhaps robots are better off living on earth.

Working from Home

1. As I draw nearer to my due date, I have been researching extensively to address an important pressing question: #ChildCare - who will take care of our new born when he arrives when both of us are out for work? Some of the options we had at hand are as follows: 1. Take turns to baby sit. This would work well given that one of us holds a flexible job. Either one has to quit our full time work and consider part time employment/ home-based business/ full time home maker. 2. Get a baby sitter (Still sitting on this option as my online research hasn't been very fruitful) 3. Hire a maid (minimum contract of 2 years for keeping a maid). Honestly i'm not too comfortable having a stranger in our midst, leave alone to entrust our newborn to that person. This option can be made sweeter if one of our family members are with the maid as well full time. So say for example, one of the mother's stay in to monitor the maid and baby. 4. Take baby to work. Nah, although #flexible work arrangements are a hit now, this is not very common in Malaysia as yet. There's still a wide area for growth in welcoming returning mothers to the workforce 5. Send to a child-care (Not too sure about this, major concern being leaving baby in the hands of strangers) 6. Send to our parent homes. Not too keen with this option either, both parents are in their time of rest. And we do not wish to impose our child upon. Given the current situation and times, there is a need to continue dual income earning in a family. Zooming into each option, I explored #1 extensively and in my research i came across this link: http://www.ehomemakers.net/en/index.php which is a portal for e-home makers in Malaysia. Plenty of how-to articles, a business directory with selected businesses listed. My favourite link is on the right side bar which lists out business of the month and other advertising solutions. There are just too many business opportunities out there to be explored! The commonly done jobs at home are as follows: 1. Sewing 2. Virtual Office Assistance: Consisting tele-marketing, customer support, administrative work 3. Website design 4. e-Commerce 5. Writers, editors, transcribers 6. Baking 7. Home tutor/ tuition The non-conventional jobs include the following: 1. Consultancy - providing e-advice areas of expertise. Mainly for support functions such as Human Resources, Legal, IT 2. Making specialised artsy gifts such as beading and creative arts (for kids mainly) Whichever path is chosen, the most important consideration has to be a genuine interest in the work undertaken. Working alone from home takes a lot more toll on a person that working for someone. It's definitely not an easy task but it's totally do-able. You can prepare yourself to work from home by reading up (books and people who have done it) and by networking. Meet people who are currently in the same industry of home makers and find out how they do it. If you see yourself doing it in the long run, it helps to prepare yourself, skill-wise and resource-wise to embark on this journey.

Antenatal Depression

I found myself googling on the effects of depression during pregnancy, any harm to the baby. Obviously there are the more severe conditions faced by most women out there. To my surprise, quite a significant number of women (about 300 odd women) wrote about how they lack their spousal support, leading them on to depression and in some cases, they are forced to take medications to help themselves. Err.. okay, I don't take any medication and I do not intend to (it's mentioned that it'll do more good than harm). A child born under depression could be prematured, resulting in underdeveloped systems and worst still, experience stress later on in their own lives. I could relate to the breaking down and crying, feeling helpless and feel like i'm being a burden for asking favours. Even the smallest gestures send me to tears these days. The main stem of my own depression is caused by an unmet desire... :( I need to get over that first before I move on. I tear very easily at almost anything and everything that hurts me these days and a lot gets to me. The other day I was scolded by a lorry driver who got off his lorry and came bashing and knocking at my door. I had a super long day that day. Had to run to a few places and this happened while i was on my wat to fetch hubs from our apartment. Following that, still got some cold shoulder treatment from hubs. Still don't understand how to read him i think. I found out the following day the reason for the treatment. IT's nearing the weekend to our supposed baby moon holiday. He sent me the fares he is entitled to. It was super cheap, I wanted to travel to everywhere. I was soooo excited!! I zoomed in to phuket instead. The date should be the 14th - 16th Dec. I booked my remaining leave for the 16th and half day on the 17th. I was searching for hotels, massive research on prenatal massage, spots which would be most convenient for me to move around etc. I have been to Phuket with my girlfriends before, to the Kuta area so I thought it'd be nice to try a different area this time. So the day is the 10th of Dec. I asked hubs if we are still going and what's the plan since my salary was still not in yet by then, I didn't have any spare cash to use. I thought he'd have a plan since he also agreed with me to go. It's just a matter of a few days for me before salary comes in. He vented his frustration saying that he had to sacrifice paying our mortgage just to plan this vacation. I was taken aback. I became totally confused. I wasn't sure what to feel. We got back to step ONE. We have been planning to go somewhere since January 2013, planning ahead for our honeymoon after the 19th of June. So I suggested a short trip on the 19th to return just in time for our wedding dinner on saturday but that didn't happen. Hubs had his explanations. And then I suggested a cruise, the week after the wedding. And he had his court case hearing then plus meetings. So i ended up going back to work while he went on to attend to his matters. So a lot of leave days were used for his leave and court cases. Nothing was planned for our trip together. Then there was the no money season and no leave season and then i got preggers and I knew this day would arrive when I'd want to go somewhere. So I planned a trip to Paris. Supposed to happen in November and then I realised, shit, tight for cash again. And then there was the no time early November that cropped up. To hide my embarrasment (as my close frens knew about the plan), i said that doctor didn't allow me to travel so long and far. I used the short Penang and SG flight experience I had as an excuse as well. So I suggested a shorter trip instead so we can cut down on the cost. So dilly dally and I came to a point when it was December and hubs tells me that he has no more leave days left. I cried my heart out loud. I couldn't contain my sadness. As I still can't do it now. I've attempted to plan with him, without him, my hours of researching for a holiday is all futile. I've come to a bump. I felt like I was burdening him with the idea to take off just because I cannot travel anymore after this till another 6 months - 1 year at least. Its difficult turning from being an active adventurous person to a domestic cat, trying to attend to someone's needs daily and then go to sleep, then work and the same routine continues. We have clearly fallen into a routine, something i've always preached about avoiding. I watched it unfold simply because hubs is busy with his agenda. Although he claims that this' a temporary state, it's left a deep scar within me... I cry daily thinking about it, and I can't hide it from my eyes, which has lost its sparkle. It rained heavily driving back yesterday and this' after finding out that the only weekend he is free on for us to go anywhere to holiday is not going to happen. Mental note to self - never initiate another holiday in the future..

Another chapter is born: The pregnancy

So, i've been missing for almost 6 months and now i'm preggers for 5! It's been an awesome journey so far, with ups and downs of course. So what has been the best and worst parts so far? There's no longer a need to change diapers a few days in a month because I don't bleed anymore. However, that's now been replaced with frequent toilet visits as I can't seem to control my bladder! LOL! I have not had any real cravings so far except for the constant tom yum dishes I was addicted to in my first 3 months. I did crave for a particular kueh recently, it's a donut-like savoury cake made locally, known as kueh keria/ gulung. Unfortunately neither my mom or hubby managed to find it! and I never ended up getting it. I made it myself instead. It was nice. Finished the whole lot myself and gave some to mom. Besides that, I have been craving to go on a trip so badly and i've not done it yet! This' probably stemming from us not having gone on a honeymoon as yet! Yup! we were supposed to go for a cruise after the wedding and then there was the no time and now no money situation that's cropped up. Then there was the trip to Paris and Frankfurt that was supposed to happen in Nov and it's Nov now but that can't happen as well. Oh yes, I did go on a short trip to Malacca with (ironically) the in-laws, again, without hubby coz he had class which couldn't be replaced. So that was fun, at least something. I was like a lil' girl out on an excursion as I enjoyed every journey of being outside. Reminded me of my now-buried interest of being outdoors, travelling etc. Sigh.. I doubt I can go on one with hubby before I deliver so am planning to take off on my own (a bit sad, yes but hubby seems to have his own priorities which doesn't include me in it). So that's gonna be post-Christmas plans. Gonna settle for something simple, quiet, refreshing and relaxing with easy access so thinking local. I've always been a huge fan of massages and foot rubs, usually at the spas and massage parlours. However, with the pregnancy, I wish I had a masseur on stand by who can just give me a foot rub and back rub every night before I sleep. It's sooo stressful on my feet as I still drive to work and do my daily chores as usual. Unfortunately, ain't getting that either. So i'm left to bonding with the baby on my own as hubby is busy settling some work issues he has to deal with. I can now feel him and am learning his patterns of waking up, hunger and fun activity (kicking me!). Oh yes, speaking of being preggers, I have been getting a lot of "nice" treatments from strangers who think that I should be treated nicely because I'm carrying. Nice thought! However, some others do treat me like i'm deceased. And then there's some who can't give a damn, like when I'm standing in a train, holding on to railings and barely able to balance my stand. I console myself thinking oh.. maybe I don't look so preggers after all. LOL! I should start my prenatal yoga lessons again. It was a tight schedule for the past few weeks so I'll be on my schedule again in no time. I did go for one lesson in PJ on my 3rd month and didn't go back. I must make memories with my pregnancy so there's something fun to think of. Oh yes, bestie Sumi is cmg down in Feb for a visit so that's something to look forward to. And Pat from Singapore is visiting in Dec ;) So I should count my blessings after all. Still crossing my fingers to hope that I'll have better memories to build with hubby instead of just finding his hand to put on my belly to feel baby boy kick and play.

Settling into a new phase in life

So i've moved into a brand new phase of life - all within 6 months. June 2013 came and left like a tornado. I became a wife and a life companion to my 6 years-long love. It helps that both our parent's home is within 15 mins from where we live. Since June we have been in constant contact and visits with home. Mostly on an as an when needed basis. Our brand new #ikeakitchen arrived in July. After much drama, of course. We have been planning our #kitchen for the past 6 months, on top of the wedding plans and home renovation, shifting out of our old house. When we booked the kitchen and paid cash at the checkout counter it was almost 11pm. After checking out, we had to take a queue number at the service counter to arrange for delivery of our kitchen items. Little did we know that we had to make arrangements with the contractors of Ikea to install the cabinets! So, the delivery guys are different that the guys who put the kitchen together! #CTArtDesign are the guys who fix the cabinets and we're supposed to make arrangements with them to book their schedule as they are usually booked back to back. I got on the phone with the customer service person and she told me that the next available date is 1 month away! I almost fainted! I threw a ruckus, told her I won't be in town then (partly true as my Singapore biz trip was due that same time) and I insisted she took another look at the schedule she had. Apparently they had an overwhelming booking due to the recent #IkeaKitchenPromo ending June. After about 2 mins, she came back to the phone and said there's another available slot a week from then. With a sigh of relief I immediately booked that slot and asked hubs to stay home to see through the contractors instead. They did an awesome job! The kitchen cost us a total of MYR4,500. For all our baskets, table top, and cabinets. Since it's just the two of us, I didn't want to go all out and fill the walls as well. I wanted to see some space so left it with the standing cabinets for now. I'll try to find some before and after pics to be posted. #IkeaKitchen rocks!

Goodbye debts,hello financial freedom!

I've recently ticked off one more item on my bucket list: to become a financial planner. Well, i'm not quite there yet but i've started the chapter. Now the journey starts with this first step.

Sat for my CEILI and PCE exam and signed on with Great Eastern (GE). Why GE? Many people ask me this and my only answer is - I always choose to be with the best to be the best. This is one pattern that shows in most of my other choices made in career, life etc. Well, it's not all rosy and perfect but it's WIP (Work In Progress). WIP Bangsar also happens to be another of my fav hangout for Jazz music mainly.
I've partnered up with a team of great people who call themselves as TotalCoverageSolutions (TCS). They offer the entire spectrum of financial planning from motor, life insurances to retirements, stock, public mutual, bonds, etc.

So now, my journey with TCS as a financial planner begins. The first part to it is Life Insurance. For the past 18 years, i've been told to invest in insurance, take on a policy to protect myself as you'll never know when what will happen. I've also always viewed insurance agents as people who just want to sell sell sell and make money out of you. How wrong I was when I came to find out that these people who call themselves agents are supposed to be partners with us, laymen, to educate us about our options in making smart financial decisions in life. I guess this goes back to the experiences we have with our respective agents. As most of them come up to me and present a plan. Efforts of getting to know me is there but for reasons I'm sure relating to sales. Sigh... Now that I'm on the other side of the court, I have come to know some really genuine people who provide advise with no selling involved! I'm convinced that every single living person should invest in a pool of savings called insurance and other portfolios for the benefit of their own lives. You don't necessarily have to buy from me for saying this, take the lesson, find your own agent, google, toggle do whatever it takes. But seriously, DO something. Find out. Speak to someone. Ask about your options. I don't settle easily with a text book answer so I'm always as curious as a cat to find out about my options and it's done me good so far. The reality is, everyone needs an agent of their own, not the other way around. People in general need more genuine advise on their choices when it comes to what to do with their hard earned cash without being treated to a one time policy statement and then MIA. There has to be a continuous relationship between the planner and you. This way, you can be rest assured that your assets are in good hands. It's the same as choosing your own lawyer or doctor to work with. You really won't settle for someone whom you think MAYBE or MAYBE NOT have a chance to help you. You'll do your own due diligence to ensure that they WILL help you. Why must it be any different when it comes to managing your own hard earned cash?

The past 8 years of working in recruitment has met me with people from different myriads of life. But one common thread which runs in all of them is this - desperation from no money, as they live from pay check to pay check. It's even more sad to consult candidates who are around the ages 50 and above who are still keen to work due to depleted saving, no more retirement fund, spent their EPF money to marry of their kids or pay for their education, etc etc.

If there is ONE message I can tell you to summarize the experiences of those people who have walked the earth more years than you and me put together it's this: PLAN! It's not a myth, not just a saying but it's the TRUTH. You have to plan your finances just the way you plan your car service, your journey on a holiday, your wedding, parties etc.

If you are one who is quite happy to cruise about life, just remember that those who have cruised before you have not reached anywhere because they never planned to be somewhere in the first place. I'm not referring to having RM1 million in your bank account. But I'm referring to planning your finances sufficient to enjoy your old age without any dependence or desperation.

Failure to plan is not really planning to fail because I believe no one is a failure in life. We are only results of our own choices. But I do believe that the choices we make will make or break our dreams and goals. If you don't have one yet, start now. Look forward and make things happen. I've been there before, wondering what might be and could have been but now it's all about just doing it and seeing the results in real time. Try it, it's an amazing place to be - Real Time ;)

Why is the turnover rate for sales people extremely high today?

At the mention of the word sales, things like door to door salesman, stress, cold calling, commission, unstable career and even odd hours come to mind. Of late, hiring managers have been complaining that their sales team turnover is extremely high. The problem is real, everyone wants a solution.

As human resource professionals, the answers generally point to the direction of compensation, salary, ringgit and cents at the heart of it all. Bottom line is, still back to compensation but that’s not all it takes anymore. There’s more to the equation in reality. Coming from a sales background myself, coupled with extensive human capital and talent management experience, I have observed a very important factor which could potentially explain why sales people are hard to keep. There are generally 3 main hurdles to be overcome. The following explains.

Naturally those who walk the sales path are money driven, strong character individuals and those who stay in the field are usually those who has the staying power to do so. The role is definitely not for the faint hearted and weak willed. And also not for those who need stability and conventional way of work. The general characteristics of a sales person can be summed by observing their attitude which usually makes all the difference. Sometimes this can draw the line between hiring someone with or without experience as the person can be without experience but with a great attitude, they can still make the cut.

If this can be observed into the hiring process, consider hurdle one is down.

The second hurdle to be encountered is to keeping them, which is where the real challenge is.

In the capacity of a HR person, I’ll first revisit the entire process of on-boarding. An employee experience on the first week is paramount to his/ her future with the company. Ask yourselves these questions to check if you’re doing all you can to create a pleasant experience:

Did you give the new staff a warm welcome; introduce to the entire team, welcome breakfast or lunch, inclusion in all team activities. If there are cliques’ within the existing team, it would be a barrier to a new entrant. Did you break all barriers to entry before integrating a new person into the team?

Most people overlook the importance of team lunch or get together sessions. This may not be a party where people get drunk and bare it all. It’s a slow but natural process. Without expecting anyone to be someone they are not, study your team and understand each one’s personality. This will give you an idea of what type of events you can create to gel them together.

If you notice, all the above questions can be answered by one person - the hiring manager/ team leader. Whoever is going to lead the person makes all the difference. In my 8 years of career in sales, I have wanted to quit 8 times! But I stayed each time, only because of 1 main factor, my leader who was also my mentor and support. This kept me going every time it got tough. My leader would stand up for me, if I needed to take leave to just get away from it all, she was understanding enough to put her head on the line and when I got back, I’ll be in top form to perform again. Ask yourselves if this is the kind of a person you have been or have you been strictly adhering to the company hand book and completely ignoring the human needs of individuals in your team.

This is probably an Asian mentality – to work hard. Some injection of culture is needed in managing a team of people to work smart. Leadership is no longer just a term coined as a buzz word. It is the only way forward to keeping people.

People tend to take leadership lightly. It may not be within you but it’s something that can be trained. Review your own leaders’ capabilities. This form of review should go beyond answering a few true or false questions. It should also include real life observations and honest assessments. If there is an area to be worked on for improvement, then that should be addressed.

Once this hurdle has been crossed, if you’ve managed to keep your staff happy emotionally, physically and mentally, the turnover rates can be changed. Of course, the underlying assumption here is that the compensation you’ve offering is competitive enough and commensurate with the incumbents experiences and skills.

The final hurdle in keeping them would be in the reviews and appraisals. In my previous company, all other teams had performance reviews twice a year. My team had ours every month! It seemed like a waste of time at first that I have to sit and discuss figures with my manager every fortnightly but it did help in the long run. We could detect lack of motivation, discuss about issues that were not visible. We genuinely showed concern and meant it. We knew what each one aspired for and we helped them walk to their goal, we reminded them if they slipped and brought them back on track.

If they felt that they lacked in certain areas of skill, we would action a fun training session. These were not provided for by the company but our team did it. And as a result, we were the last team standing with zero turnover rate when the rest of the teams were like revolving doors. We’d go for team outing once a month, be it a hike, picnic, treasure hunts, karaoke, road trips. We did all we could to gel the team together and we became almost like a family that no one wanted to leave.

This also resulted in higher revenue as everyone helped to motivate each other to perform. A classic example as they are but it works. As a conclusion, from what I have experienced and comparing it to what I observe now, the significant lack of leadership in organizations today could be the root cause of the evil of high turnover. Nip that in the bud and see your team grow into a rose garden.

How my life started when I learnt to say NO

How my life started when I learnt to say NO

Kara** turns 34 this year, the year is 2012. She has a hectic life but when she sit down at the end of a day and recount my activities on a day, she finds nothing worth recalling. It’s filled with office work, work for others, running errands for others, helping others, and more of others but less of her in the equation. This was a startling revelation when she decided to analyze where her hours were going into. Then she realized that a bulk of the activities she does in a day is a complete waste of time. She doesn’t have time for herself except sleep time and that’s after she's exhausted all her energy running errands for other people. The neighbors dog to be fed, the kids to be fed when they can be trained to eat themselves, the additional printing to be done at work when the person himself can print and pick it up themselves. All the small things add up to the bigger picture, resulting in her loaded with a whole load of other people’s work.

A self analysis led her to realize that she is too obliging as a person and can never say never or no. In fact, in the past 6 months, she can count the number of times she has said no and countless times when she has obliged to help someone.

Helping someone in need is not the problem here. Being a doormat is. People in general needs to carry their own weight. While most of us are aware of this basic requirement in life, not many of us are willing to do that. As outsourcing is a buzz word these days, most menial duties are given away for others to do. And this is where people like Kara fit in the lives of the many that choose to outsource, in the name of friendship and relationship.

Unfortunately, the good people of this earth do not come into life with a manual on how to survive. Now here’s one for a start.

Firstly, learn to reward yourself and start saying no. That’s right. Say NO to the extra job at office that someone else can afford to do. Say NO to feeding the dogs when you have already made an appointment to see your massage therapist. Prioritize yourself over anything else unless the other matter at hand is about life or death.

Make plans to pamper yourself, make time for yourself everyday. Be it an hour or two. Even more time on weekends. It is extremely important to spend time with ourselves (sleeping doesn’t count) doing activities which matter most to us. This can be as simple as pursuing a hobby or an interest. Once you start to say NO to the unimportant things which come your way, you will see a lot more of yourself, become a better person and you’ll be able to help others better as well.

Start today and say NO!

Recruitment, retainment, engagement?

We hear the buzz word everywhere: recruitment, retainment and engagement. What do those terms mean to us? As with everything else, we attach our own significant values to the things around us. What do those terms mean to you, personally?

What is your favorite time in a days work?

Most people crave for a certain “time-out” in a days work. Some cherish their puffing session where a few smokers gather to form a chimney at the staircase or lobby area. Entry into this group is the easiest but the most dangerous to health. Ever seen how strangers can just ask for a lighter to puff and they start a conversation? Smoke signals still work, proven over time.

Some others love lunch time where they gather a few gossip gals to do a post mortem on their weekend/ last night event. This is usually the same group of people who has been following through the stories. Entry into this group is usually almost impossible, even if done, it will involve some awkwardness and eventually the newbie will drop off, not being able to keep up.

Another group would prefer the pantry entry. They usually group together at certain times in a day, if the water cooler is not in the pantry; the crowd might be seen crowding the cooler area. In the pretext of waiting to fill up their 5 litre water bottle, 4-5 people wait and chit chat. Funnily, these are usually the same faces, all the time. That’s a quick gulp down!

Some others prefer the after hours team. This is the after-hours socializing group which hops from one bar to another until they find their preferred spot. These drinking nomads are usually a fun bunch to hang out with. The decibel of the group will increase as the hours pass. Highly recommended for newbie in a new team. For those who are against alcoholic drinks, mock tails can be enjoyed as a substitute.

Finally, the one activity which gives the most bliss among all mentioned above is peeing. Toilet time is known to be inspirational for some. My previous manager claimed that her most creative time was time spent in the small cubicle of 4 walls. Suggestions to turn the cubicle into an office were subsequently turned down due to lack of resources.

So, there you go. A list of possible “break-time” options for you to choose from. Ultimately, there has to be a break-free session for you to peel yourself out of your desk for at least 5-10 minutes in each hour. If working time = $$ and break time = opportunity to be more productive, then working time should be balanced with the latter. Besides, all work and no play make a dull and plain Jane.

When to say goodbye to your recruiter

So i called ann** not her real name at 830am, hoping to get her attention first thing in the morning. Sorry, she's not at her desk yet was the receptionist reply. I think i heard a yawn there. Never mind, i'll call back i say and hang up. I continue browsing through jobstreet, jobsDB & monster simultaneously. I've mastered the art of multi tasking whilst being jobless. So this answers the question: how have you spent your days. Self-enhancing-creative education!

Job hunting is a full time job. Whoever said that a jobless person has nothing to do. Okay, now that i'm done entertaining my random passing thoughts, i'm going to ring up my recruiter again. Hopefully she's returned to her desk from the coffee machine chatter at the pantry. Yes! This time, Ann answers the phone and when i give her my name, there's an awkward silence on the other end. Erm, we spoke two days ago? For the developer position you have in Venus? No, not the one in Jupiter, its venus, where you come from. (i mumbled that below my breath, of course!)

Oh yes, now I remember. Sorry but i don't have any positions for you at the moment says my recruiter.

Erm but i just saw positions A, B, D & E reposted yesterday by you. I fully qualify for these roles. Why don't you profile me over? 

Oh.. Sheepishly laughs and says- well, those positions A& B are already closed & the other 2 is still open. BUT client is looking for the X-race, you know, for cultural fit purposes and to fulfil departmental quota. Sigh.. I thought quotas were abolished since Apartheid era? I say this to her to which she immediately answered, i'll call u if i find anything suitable. Kill me now, i say. I've heard these lines at least 100 times & this conversation repeated at least 50 times since i started job hunting. I was proactive enough to call and askif there's something wrong with my application, how can i improve, any new positions etc etc. But the only treatment i get from my recruiters is the silence kind. Cold and distant. I decided to fire my recruiter. And 3 months after pin drop silence from her, she calls me with her friendliest tone. Hey, how have you been? Long time huh? Listen, are you still looking for a job now? 

Oops, guess what? I just got employed by your competitor recruitment agency. I believe the role is in your bucket as well. You should go check it & close the position. And by the way, I now represent Jupiter Entreprises and we are dropping your agency services. Thank you for your services & have a nice day!

Toot toot toot..

Granny is the new baby sitter of New Age!

A very recent incident which involved a side tracked husband caught my attention recently. Wifey lives with her mother and three kids. Husband plays the “Santa Claus” role by taking the kids out on their birthdays. Wifey goes to work, leaving the kids with a 65 year old mother, to single handedly bathe, feed, cook, clean the house and run after them. Wifey feels she is playing her part by giving the mother some allowances to manage the household. But given the above scenario, is she really in a supporting role?

I’d vote for the mother as the “real” supporter in this case. Raising 2 young kids at this time and age is not an easy task. It seems a little too daunting for the own mother herself when she is forced to spend time after work or over weekend with them. Naturally the task becomes easier as the children grow but little does wifey realize that the task is zapping her own mother of her rightful freedom. The freedom to do things that she truly enjoys such as reading, watching a favorite TV program or simply resting.

Although most would argue that grandparents have nothing else to do since they are retired, the reality is a far cry from the truth.

The above scenario is not new to most people these days. We hear about grandparents turned into baby sitters as if they are destined to do it. The logic often used is that grandparents love their grandchildren and they naturally enjoy doing it.

Let’s inject a few elements of truth here. The cardinal duty of taking care of their children falls on the own parents. The constraints of economy have brought about dual income family where both parents have to work to bring food to the table. This has started the trend of sending children to day care and preschools earlier than the supposed age. Unfortunately, not many parents choose this option as it can be geographically impossible or economically not feasible to send their children to a third party. Instead, they choose to send their children to their own retired parents, loading the task of baby sitting over their resting time.

Some give allowances in appreciation for the time taken while some others just close an eye. How to pay when our pay is not enough for us to buy rice even – is usually the argument.

There are always 2 sides to a coin, and this is no exception.

In reality, this is very common in Asian countries where grandparents who are either retired or have been homemakers their whole life are turned into super humans, expected to run after 3 year olds in their frail age. Sometimes I do wonder if these people ever consider their parents age when it comes to running after their children. What if they fall sick? Who will take care of them? What if they enjoy reading and quiet times? Can they then send the kids back to you at work to take care? There are sacrifices they have to make and considering their frail age and time, there is no time left for them to enjoy their own small pleasures of life.

They have all the rights to live as much as parents have the rights to work. They have paid their dues by raising us up and this is a period of time when they should be playing a real granny role, the pampering, and enjoying the companionship of their grandchildren.

If parents have planned to bring their offspring into the world, they should also plan to take care of them, in any way possible. If they are unsure about the hygiene of day care, pay the centers a visit; take extra precaution in choosing a day care for your own child.

If finance is really tight to send them to one and grandparents is the only alternative, find means to assist with the housework, prepare meals before hand so granny doesn’t end up having to do everything. Give them small unexpected treats occasionally – send them off for a holiday over a weekend, sponsor them a spa or massage session or simply allow them their TV time and take the kids out over a weekend or two. This will give them some peace at home for them to focus on them for a change. Everyone needs a time of their own, and they are no exception.

Some of the above suggestions don’t involve monetary investment but it’s the thought that counts, truly.

I'm back in the CBD!

A new chapter begins this September, year 2012.
It's a brand new area of practise altogether and this brings in new opportunities to learn. Which is something I am totally excited about which is learning! Some say it's going to be an overload of information which I think should be exactly what I need. So it's still within the field of Human Resources - compensation and benefits. To total up my experience listing, to-date I've clocked at least 5,600 hours in recruitment. An area which I am not keen to look back into at all. Okay there was performance management which I enjoyed. Training & Development was exciting as well. Coaching and mentoring was definitely worth my time and ticked me really well. There are still a few key areas I need to put my head into and coincidentally C&B came by. I was initially looking for OD roles (Organizational Development). None of which came around and when C&B option opened up, I took it up. Day two and I went for a client visit. It was training all day on how client can utilise the tools we provided but I was engaged in the session all the way. I did the exercise with client as it involved job evaluation, an area which I was familiar with as well.
And more to follow in the days to come.
Okay, there are many blessings to count... Firstly, the gym I frequent is literally 2 buildings away, the train station is within walking distance, KLCC is within walking distance, the park is within distance, there's ample of food options, Subway is. The banks are within walking distance, the trains are next door, literally. Salsa club is opposite my office. When I hear how far away some of my colleagues travel to get to work, I feel so blessed. I have nothing to complain about and I should really be grateful.

So that's it, back in the Central Business District (CBD) and I feel so blessed. Thank you!

the Return

I just realised that my last post here was in October 2011. I still remember writing it and feels like yesterday. Reality sinks in, it's been 11 months since and December is closing in. So, quite update on progress and let's move on to greater things.
Back from Singapore for good on the 31st of June 2012. Been hunting for jobs since. No real luck really but am still keeping my head up high.
I'll be keeping a close watch on the way the market responds to a talented individual like me, being out of job for more than a month now. A detailed update on my adventures will be posted regularly (i hope). Till then, i'll have to get back to my resume update. Successfully re-profiled self on LinkedIN and now Jobstreet but the page wouldn't load. The saga continues...

Temptation by fried chicken

I lean against the train walls, taking in the fragrant smell of fried chicken. A plate of KFC chicken thigh comes to mind. I'm torn! I just started my gym workout again today, after what seemed like eternity. How can this happen to me???
The very smell of food sends rambles in my stomach. Hunger signals sent to my brains & automatically the mind associates with KFC! Virtually mapping the way to the food chain at the interchange i'll be alighting at, i'm torn. Giving in to my craving would mean defeat, of time mind over my new found motivation to continue my gym workouts. Should i or should i not?
One part of me says "it's just for one day" another debates "don't give in, look for a healthier option".
In the midst of all the debates going on within my head, i sniffed the airconditioned coach i was in & alas, no fried smell, only foul smell or sweat & foul swears heard. My cravings creeped out of the station we last stopped at, as it's nowhere to be smelt now. Adios temptasion!

New day

I took the premium bus today. Its been a very lovely sunshiney day so i wanted to be as close to it as i can. The premium is an 18 seater bus and no one is allowed to stand. It has wide windows so you'll get a beautiful city view together with the sun if you sit in it. Doesn't burn your pocket as much as compared to taking a cab since it only costs $4!
On a regular note, i'd usually take a bus to the interchange, alight 3 stops later, walk 4 mins to the MRT, queue & board the train, alight 9 stops later & walk 5mins to the office. If i'm lucky & get to sit on the 1st bus, that'll be my last chance to sit throughout my 30-40mins journey. I'd usually board at the tail of the train as there's usually some quiet standing space. I cannot imagine standing anywhere near their door for getting squashed is a must.
So comparing both experiences, i must say the latter is a luxury... At an extra cost of $2.21.
I'd say its definitely worth it.
For those curious about this comfort bus, lookup ComfortDelgro online & search for a bus nearest to you. If you happen to board a 523, you'd be lucky to bump into me :)

They're not walking too fast but too slow?
Really? I think not. When you are on a fast lane, everyone around you will seem too slow for your pace. Try getting out earlier to head to work one day & see the difference. Try it on a weekday when you're not working. A variety of ways & you will see the difference. The world around you is your very own perspective. You see what you want to see.. Try it with different moods & energy.
A more apparent sample is with Mondays. One of the most dreaded days to many. Mainly due to the 2 days of rest, most people would drag themselves out of bed. Exception are the ones who are truly springs with excitement with the thought of work.

The 'Break'

Everyone talks about 'breaks'. Big-breaks, taking a break, on a break, break a leg... The list goes on.
As for me, 2011 started with promises of a 'big-break'. I took a long break at the end of Jan & flew to Cambodia for a holiday. That signified January for me. Now, in February, I was making a mental note of taking a break at the end of the month to go on a quick holiday. Somehow, my subconscious mind worked faster than my actions.
It was the 20th of Feb, on a Sunday afternoon. I had absolutely no plans that morning. Not wanting to waste the remainder of my Sunday, I decided to return the Spanish book I borrowed from the National Library. The kids were crying from wanting to follow me & the tension from hearing both their screams and crying was building up. I had to leave as fast as I could.. The sounds were deafening. Run!!!! I recalled telling myself. In that speed of moving around, I walked into my mums' room & in avoiding my mother who was standing on my way, my leg angled to the edge of the king sized teak-wood bed and hit it with a fierce bang! I immediately broke down on tears. The pain was unbearable and looking at my toe, I knew it was broken. I cried in pain while I tip-toed my way to my own room where I laid my head to rest. In that instant, the next 1 week of home rest flashed in my head.
There was no one at home to take me to the doctor for an x-ray so I waited for vj to finish class to take me to the doctor. Waiting for a cab on a Sunday was not even an option. It was 1230pm when he finally called. I was very calm by then as I just lay still on the bed, not moving the broken toe at all.
He arrived 30mins later, took me to Lourdes medical, I had my x-ray done & the doctor advised me to admit myself overnight or come early the next morning to meet the orthopaedics.
Decision.. Decision.. Decision..